But it has always worked for me, so I’m going to keep it.
In the past couple of years, I have been doing all kinds of research on how to become happier and healthier as a middle-aged woman.
That’s how I learned that my morning routine was all wrong.
Here is how my typical morning looks: When my alarm goes off, I give myself a couple of minutes to wake up. Then I say good morning to the dogs and rub their bellies. After that, we all head to the kitchen to make coffee, with a stop on the way to say good morning to the cat and to rub him behind his ears.
(The cat is the only member of the household who doesn’t sleep in my bed at night because he is nocturnal and keeps waking the rest of us with his shenanigans.)
While the coffee is brewing, I take the dogs outside to pee. While they are sniffing around, looking for the perfect spot, I look at the sky and thank God for another day.
Not too bad so far, right?
But then we go back inside, and it all goes sideways.
I fill my giant mug with coffee and oat milk, and return to bed, where I sit upright for about thirty minutes while sipping my coffee and scrolling on my phone, usually reading trashy articles on Bored Panda.
Doing so wakes up not only my brain, but also my digestive system.
If I wake up and get ready without this little ritual, I don’t go to the bathroom. Which, for someone who suffers from chronic constipation, isn’t ideal. That’s why I don’t mind getting up half an hour earlier, so I have enough time to drink my coffee, read Bored Panda, and, hopefully, poop.
I used to think my morning routine was perfectly fine, but when I started searching the Internet for tips and pointers for middle-aged, perimenopausal women, I found out that it was, in fact, bad.
Very bad.
Apparently, both coffee and phone are a no-no in the morning.
And the reason is, surprise, cortisol.
Fucking cortisol! I’m seriously starting to hate that word.
Cortisol is the reason why I have gained so much weight, and why I am currently sporting a “cortisol belly”. As we age, it’s becoming harder to keep cortisol levels down. If they stay up, they cause all kinds of issues, including but not limited to the aforementioned weight gain, insulin resistance, insomnia, and mood changes.
And here is the problem with both drinking coffee and using a cell phone first thing in the morning: Both cause our cortisol spike like crazy.
It figures, doesn’t it? God forbid I had any joy left in life!
And like out-of-control cortisol isn’t bad enough, I have recently been diagnosed with erosive esophagitis (a severe form of acid reflux) and reactive gastropathy (damaged stomach lining).
Guess what isn’t good for any of these conditions?!
Coffee.
Especially on an empty stomach.
You might think that with all this information, I am already working on changing my morning routine to a healthier one.
You would be wrong.
I’m just not ready to give it up. Nothing, NOTHING compares to the first sip of coffee with Oatly Original Oat Milk after I crawl back to bed! It’s pure bliss. And without my morning bliss, I’m crankier than ever, and sometimes very close to homicidal.
(By the way, there are no affiliate links in this post. I’m not significant enough for Oatly to give a shit about me mentioning their product.)
Anyway, as I explained to my primary care physician, my lifestyle is so healthy that I am entitled to at least one bad habit. Well, two if you count the cell phone. I don’t smoke, I hardly ever drink (and when I do, it’s usually one glass of wine), I don’t eat junk food and/or candy, and I had my last sip of Coke 10 years ago. Just let me have the damn coffee!
My PCP just nodded and prescribed me Omeprazole.
I will have to find another way to keep my cortisol levels down, because I’m only human, and even though I’m determined to fight perimenopause tooth and nail, there are only so many sacrifices I can make without losing my sanity.
How about you? Do you have any bad habits that you don’t want to give up? Let me know in the comments!