The jury is still out on my friend Jennifer!
My friend Jennifer from Chicago (not to be mistaken with Jen Lo featured in my previous post) hasn’t been in my life very long, but she has certainly made an impact.
I don’t have a sister, but if I did, I suspect I would feel about her the same way I feel about Jennifer.
On one hand, I love her to pieces; on the other hand, she drives me nuts.
A couple of years ago, it was Jennifer’s comment that made me realize that I was stuck in a work-eat-sleep-repeat cycle, and that my life had become uneventful and boring.
We were on the PM shift in the emergency services department of a children’s psychiatric hospital in Chicago. At some point, Jennifer mentioned going somewhere the upcoming weekend, and I, sensing an upcoming invitation, hurried to say that I probably wouldn’t be able to go with her.
“Of course not, “Jennifer said matter-of-factly. “You never go anywhere or do anything. You are always just in your basement.”
It sounds mean, but it wasn’t. It was just a blunt and honest description of my lifestyle.
Jennifer was right. I rarely went anywhere or did anything besides walking my dogs around the neighborhood, reading, and watching Netflix. My cute vintage basement apartment was my sanctuary, where I spent most of my time when I wasn’t at work.
After Jennifer’s comment, I had an epiphany that I was living like an elderly woman, wasting my life away. Which, in turn, led to me having a major midlife crisis. So major that I ended up quitting my job for no good reason, leaving the basement apartment I loved so much, and moving all the way to Iowa; something I’m currently still emotionally recovering from.
A midlife crisis can be a real bitch.
But I digress.
When it comes to Jennifer, one thing you can always rely on is that she will tell you exactly what she thinks; no diplomacy, no fake positivity, and no sugarcoating.
Sometimes I wonder whether her presence in my life might be karma. I used to complain for years about Americans being too polite and fake positive. Why can’t people just say what they think!? I would ask, exasperated.
With Jennifer, I got just what I wished for.
Jennifer is the friend who, when I cry to her, “OMG, I’m getting fat!”, responds truthfully, “Yes, you are!” Then she looks me up and down, and adds for good measure, “And overall, you just don’t look good. You are bloated, and even your face is swollen. I’m starting to worry about your health.”
And you know what? I like such a response much better than what my other friends say in these situations. Complaining about perimenopausal weight gain to them inevitably leads to a chorus of “You aren’t fat!”, “You are still beautiful!” and “You should love yourself just the way you are!”, all of which make me want to punch somebody in the face.
Anyway, back to Jennifer. When she says things like that, she isn’t being rude. She knows me well enough to know that, political correctness be damned, I don’t want to be overweight, and that it bothers me that no matter what I do, I keep gaining.
It’s refreshing to be able to express my feelings openly and honestly without being shamed for supporting patriarchy by wanting my body back!
In many ways, Jennifer is also my role model. Despite being a decade younger, she is already a homeowner and a businesswoman. In the year before the pandemic, while I was busy trying to save the world and taking care of people (and spending a lot of my hard-earned money in the process), she purchased a beautiful vintage duplex in North Chicago, which she has been renovating ever since. She rents out the upper floor on Airbnb, which is a steady source of income for her; probably not high enough to live off forever, but enough to survive if she needs to walk out of a job because her supervisor is an asshole.
That’s one thing that I admire about Jennifer: She lives her life unapologetically and on her own terms. She isn’t scared of anyone or anything (“Worrying is a sin, Margaret!”), and answers to no one, except (maybe) God.
And she does things. All the time. I never know where she is at the moment. One day, she is hunting deer in Michigan; the next day, she is on her way to a farm in Wisconsin to purchase some raw milk. Three days later, I get a text message that she and her three German shepherds are on a road trip, currently lost somewhere in the North Carolina mountains.
Which is all fine and dandy, except that she expects me to do things too! And that’s when we sometimes have a problem, because my perimenopausal self doesn’t have her energy, and her lifestyle would probably kill me.
Our friendship is essentially based on her trying to make me do things and me making excuses as to why I can’t, uh, don’t want to do them.
Overall, Jennifer’s positive impact on my life cannot be denied. She motivates me to grow and learn, and to set new goals for myself. For all her bluntness, she can be very kind when I’m going through something serious and need someone safe to vent to.
And she’s got chickens.
It doesn’t get better than that 😉
How about you? Do you have a Jennifer in your life? Someone who tells you how it is, challenges you, and drives you nuts sometimes, while helping you to become the best version of yourself? Let me know in the comments!